So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
