life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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