big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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