so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
