so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
