So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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