It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was CRYING into my vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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