She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
