I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
