Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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