My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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