I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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