Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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