Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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