The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
