Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
