I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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