Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
