Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
