Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
