Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
