We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
