I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
