I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
