My friends, they love my intelligence
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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