the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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