Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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