if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
