I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
