There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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