pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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