he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
