Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
vagina is talking i cant
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
