so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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