I'm eating all of the evidence.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
