my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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