Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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