Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
