return my video game
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
