I'm drive I can fine osifer
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
