Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
