We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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