I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
