I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
third nipple confirmed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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