You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
