You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
