im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
