Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
