I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
