The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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